Today I was fortunate to learn more about women and how they perceive us men in some situations (only some, because there's just no way we'll fully understand each other... and that's why we end up compromising).
I ran into a wonderful friend during my lunch break, which I believe was totally carved out in God's plan. See, I don't believe in coincidences; I went to lunch late, which was much later than I normally do, and I sat in a place I have never really sat at before... Tada...there she was! We greeted each other and soon found ourselves laughing up a storm. I was surprised when our topic veered into relationship talk.
We had such an amazing talk! I'll just get directly into it. I know there are guys who are smooth, think they are smooth, and well who try to be smooth. I know because....well I'm a guy! =) What I learned is that most, if not all, women see right through it all. We men are so transparent it's embarrassing. The difference of how a woman responds to our transparent "suaveness" depends on how the girl feels toward the guy, NOT how smooth the guy was/is. It's what I have called the "spark" or "chemistry". No matter how hard one tries (guy or girl) if there's no spark, odds are greatly and immensely against them. I'm not saying this cannot develop over time, I believe the person with the interest MUST shelve his/her romantic feelings until the other person is ready. Unfortunately, many times, the other person never develops the the same feelings. It's all in God's timing, which is easier said than done because we are emotionally driven beings. God can and will prevail in helping us suppress our emotions if we let him, no matter how much "in love" we think we are.
I learned that some girls (this can go vice versa too, it'll make more sense as a focused snippet) are just bubbly, flirtatious, and outgoing. Some of us guys who like to hangout with these type of girls may find ourselves easily attracted to them and may even think they are giving us signs of moving the relationship up a step to a more serious one. WRONG! I once believed that girls choose to flirt with me because they desired more. This is soooooo not the case; it's because it's fun and playful, and most of the time they are only wanting a deeper friendship. For example, I believe I am outgoing and flirtatious with women. I honestly love to make a woman feel special and adored, however, I am not interested "romantically" in every girl I flirt with, not even close. In fact, it is much harder for me to flirt with the girl I do have interest in. I think it is easier for me to be outgoing and open with a girl I know I have no interest in pursuing in a romantic way. Don't misunderstand me, I am NOT a player...never was and never will be.
Friendship is an important step not to be skip. I had a hard first hand experience with this lesson, and after hearing someone else's story about it, I am a now a believer. It may work for some, in fact when my sister told her now husband, "let's just be friends." He simply answered "I don't want to be your friend...I want more." Aww how romantic! That's for the movies and rarely works in real life. My sister and brother-in-law just happened to be in God's master plan.
Friendship requires boundaries. If a guy is interested in a girl, and she just wants to be friends...She needs to state clearly what is inappropriate and acceptable behavior emotionally, mentally, verbally, in understanding/connotations, and physical contact (e.g. hugs, massage, holding hands, etc...) The guy on the other hand needs to be respectful and adhere to the boundaries. Okay...I'll admit there are many times where we men and you women are clueless to signs that are given or not given. Here is where communication is key and where a third, unbiased party should be included. Why you ask...because LOVE IS BLIND!!! Our body and mind are now at the mercy of hormonal control! Most of the time, simple will power is not enough. We need the support of the friends and family God has placed in our lives. There are those who are able to turn emotions off like a switch (I have no idea how people are able do this) and there are people like me who are emotional, feeling beings. Time and space are the ultimate variables God has given us to heal our hearts or to just to gain needed clarity.
I went salsa dancing for a friend's birthday celebration and I took another friend along. I had a lot of fun that evening and it brought back wonderful memories of dancing with other beautiful (not just exterior) people in my life. It made me realize that I need to enjoy the company of FRIENDS for as long as I can without the thoughts of romance and love which the movies, media, and the devil push on us constantly. When I dropped her off at home, I'll admit, I thought "wow, I wouldn't mind dating her". She, unknowingly, made a remark that brought me to reality. That she wasn't interested in me "that way". She mentioned how cute a couple I would make with (%@$!) or any of her friends for that matter because I am a really nice guy. I thanked her and honestly told her that I was not actively looking for a relationship and that I would like to continue building friendships with her, (%@$!), and everyone else currently in my life. I want this because I recently was dating a special person where we bypassed the friendship stage; and no matter how well we were matched and got along, we didn't have that foundation. I was saddened by that experienced but I am certainly not crippled by it...only wiser because of it, and I thank God for her influence in my life.
Romance and love will happen on God's time line and in his perfect plan for our lives. We are human, I am human, and so we experience impatience which leads to hate or hurt and eventually to sin. However, Romans 5:3, 4 states: "And not only so, but we glory in in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh PATIENCE; and patience, EXPERIENCE, and experience, HOPE"
We have a hope in Christ that he will grant us the desires of our heart as long as seek him first. Psalms 37:4, 5 tells us: "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
-Keep the faith my friends and hold fast to God's word, I love you all! =)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment